finally a new look for my girl. she's needed it for a while but I've been putting it off due to nerves about really wiping her whole original faceup. She does look different but still the right character. Which is good because she'll have to appear in my latest photostory project.

Soon i want to get some natural light pics of the faceup too, but the weather has been obligingly grey.

( 8 images )

oh, we who take the slow path
where each step is weathered
and each breath is weighed


there is laid out light like silk
there is sea cliff and sea tide
sea time like a ticking clock
its springs unwinding
Turn a little key in the little bird's back
see it flutter jeweled wings
and warble a clockwork song
play a record on the phonograph and dance
listen to your feet shuffle
(empty, lonely)
on floorboards
while you wait for the rushing wave at your door

we are small things, small things
spinning in the breeze
dandelion down
And down, and on
with a passing sigh
counting thoughts and birds
and blades of grass
the future at the bottom of a murky cup
chance hung on a spinning coin
spilled on the dirt with a bag of grain

She walked out onto the street
And saw that all was ash
And no photographs were made.

All the lights were sleeping
And flowers grew from her palms,
She spoke in rose petals,
In soft tones of dismay.

She wished to grow a mermaid tail
And breathe out.
The water would be heavy
And still
While everything was grey.

She wrote a book of dreams
In morning that held its breath.
For every thought a new page
And every word a new line,
She felt it was hollow
The tinny words in her mind.

She watched the news
And tried to hear the words they said,
Every star at night is burning
As they name the dead.

I decided to create a new journal exclusively to post my doll pictures. I had the hardes time finding a name that lj would accept. the ones i wanted were either too long or already taken.

this is the new journal:

I think I've finally decided with Dem i'm voting for but I am not doing to well at the moment and I'm not sure if i'm going to make it to the caucus tomorrow. Why to the Washington state Dems have to be so committed to their 'only the caucus counts' type primaries? I just can't see how caucuses are a good system in any way at all. the people who just can't go are automatically denied their voice when a traditional vote can be done absentee. Far more people will vote than will go to a caucus, so why can't we just vote?

this annoys me.

Can you see
How the days have all just changed
Like a kindly face you used to know
That has turned away.
Call to me
Call in the children from the yard
The light has turned to blue
And reflecting on the leaves
That puddle on the ground.
And the wind blows in the barking of the dogs next door
And the smell of the wood smoke
Makes you think
Of things that have all gone by.

Did you see
That the road has curved up from
The creek just down the way
And the path you used to take to school
Was overgrown last night.
The city lights make everything look strange
Like you’re living in a dream
You shiver in your dress
And you’re regretting your bare knees
Standing on a dark street corner
With the stars on their descent
And sitting on the steps
Trying to break the thread of movement,
You’ve become a clockwork doll.

Maybe now
Is the time to go back home
Can’t you tell you’re honor bound
By all the stitches that you sewed
And the songs that you outgrew
And the dreams you used to dream
On top of your bunk bed.
Everyone says
This is the best time of your life
Going dancing by the sea
Stay out to see the dawn
Make the kind of music you’ll remember
When remembering is all you do
But you’re just standing still.
It feels like a deckled edge
Like a scarf no longer whole
All uneven and undone.

You go out
And see the hazy lives of unknown faces
And the traffic on the hill
And you listen for your steps
Like an echo of your thoughts
Half lost in the ebb and flow
Should have been a easy time
But you find it’s hard to breathe.
Empty pockets and a piece of string
And a bit of a sea shell
Like a fragment of a dream
A forgotten afternoon.
Go and put your mittens on
There’s a frost that’s coming in.

I am so hideously behind on nano! on the other hand i've started three other writing projects, done a couple sewing projects, a faceup, a photoshoot, and turned my schedule on it's head so it's not like I've been doing nothing.

I also bought this flyfusion pen computer thing. gadget that remembers what you've written (mostly) and you can download straight to word w/o typing in. so maybe that will help me get more done by being more portable.

am very tired. But here's the nine-thousand-and-somthingorother words i've got so far. I should be more than half way done by now but I got hung up for a while on general lack of plot. I mean there was and is plot, but i am having a devil of a time getting it all set up to go in motion because you're supposed to know and care about your characters before *too* much goes wrong, and I'm sooo used to writing fanfic where intros aren't necessary, you just already know everyone + the world they're in. Anyway...

( here it is. it ends mid scene. NOW EDITED TO ACTUALLY INCLUDE THE FULL STORY! )

Mom's Kohya head returned from his trip to sato for renewal service, and since we decided to forgo SDink's faceup lotto I got to paint him up. I'm quite happy with the result, although he still needs a topcoat or two, and gloss... and maybe a tiny bit more colour since I can't get the photos to show the real sublty of it.

You can't tell, cause it's exactly the same set, but it's moved! Up to the bonus room just like where it was supposed to be all along! ...There are 14 stairs, a landing, and a hallway that's a lot longer than i realized before between where the set was and where it is now. I didn't carry walls or anything, but you kinda start to notice the distance after 5 trips of carrying stuff up.

Anyway - enough rambling, pics!

( image heavy. I am NOT kidding. XD )

well, there's lots of other things i meant to post about, but i stayed up all night last night - probably at least partially due to photo lights - and i'm not coherent enough to remember what those things were. are. whatever.

*seeks caffine*

i only just reached my daily goal, and i've been up all night. I procrastinated for too long and then had a hard time picking up the thread. But i've done it now. And now I can sleep because I am so soooo so tired.

um. One day's efforts seem like too little to post. especially since i'm kinda mid scene (yeah, i know, but it's 8 am and i'm tired so i am stoping *exactly at goal*) (actually, is it 8? as in really 9, from setting back the clock, or is it 8 but really 7 from not having set it back yet? I don't knoooow.) So maybe i'll post every other day what i have. or at convenient scene breaks or something.

sleep. now.

Okay. I caught up with my word goal for the day (just barely). So now i can post what i have so far. I would *love* opinions ~ athough my own is that it's really really not my best work. But I have to get a whole first draft done in 28 more days so I can't waste the time caring about that at the moment. I am still liking the plot I chose.

Anyway... Here it is:

( As yet untitled NaNo, part 1, day 2 )

Please tell me what you think!!

btw, iron&wine seems to be the music to write to for this story. Atmosphere-wise

welll. today was *not* made of wind and happy. My contacts were even *blurrier* than yesterday... this is not a good progression. And i was running a fever and headachy all day and to top it off i acquired a rather painful cut on my ankle that i have absolutely no idea how i got idea how i got it. And i only got about 800 words in on NaNo.

Yes today was rather *headdesk*

i think tomorrow i will start putting up what i've got at the end of the day. for feedback, and also sort of as proof that i've worked on it. XD

I'm writing an urban fantasy/modern fantasy type thing, where the main character inherits a mcguffin-type-object-of power and... well things get complicated. And there's some travel in it so i sincerely hope that i will let myself just wing it instead of getting caught up in research. I mean i *would* research but I've only got 30 days. 29 now.

I heard back from the person with the Supia but for some reason she doesn't seem willing to give any ending time for the bidding which just seems greedy imo. like she's just going keep the bidding going until the price satisfies some goal she's set in her head. It just seems like if you've got a BIN price in mind, you might as well just say so up front. :/ But i'm still thinking very hard about it...

Oh, and the worst thing of all about today? No 30 rock! I was counting on my Liz Lemon fix! I did watch Grey's tho. It was... not fantastic but definitely entertaining. I like Dr. Hahn (i wonder what her first name is?), and I've liked the actress for a while now. There was one scene at the end that I found absolutely hilarious, but 1/2 and hour later i was no longer sure if it was supposed to be (that) funny. um... It was funny to me, anyway.

mkay, so, am so sleepy-floppy-tired at this point that i'm surely incoherent however. recording bullet point thoughts because, seriously, i am going to start doing the posting daily thing if it kills me.

~Got contacts. Oh stable depth perception, how i miss you! I'm taking it on faith this will improve. Hear that eyes? you will adjust. Or else. But really, other than my concept of my position in the world vis a vis other objects being knda buggered, my adjustment to the lenses is being surprisingly issue free. comfort-wise and whatnot.

~Wonderful dollmeet today~! Both SCS and i dressed up in loli, and Stephanie was totally adorably dressed up also. And New Person was back again! And i remembered her name and everything. She is exceedingly sweet and lovely.

~Pushing Daisies is rapidly moving to fill the whole in my heart left by the cancellation of Wonderfalls. Its strange and Burtonesque and sweet and Technicolor and macabre all at the same time. Its also up for viewing on ABC's site, in case any of you want to try it out.

~I hate being in tiny fandoms because i've already read everything that's been written and i want to read MORE! I know, i know, i could write some thing ~ and unbelievably i've been working on that, but it just isn't the same thrill as reading *someone else's* fic, especially if it's marvelously well written fic by the queen of said itty bitty fandom.

~I am going to do NaNo this year. I am! I swear I am! And it starts tomorrow and i have no idea what i'm going to write *about* but i am to tired to flip out about that at the moment, but i am going to start writing tomorrow regardless.

~There's a supia60 on DoA for sale. I said i was done. I *am* done. Really. There's already too many to deal with. I haven't done a photostory or any kind of serious shoot i actually cared about since the first day that Dad was in the hospital (the day where i spent most of it thinking they were just at Group Health for a realllly long time and we all thought it was just some weird flu). So yeah, there may be some corollary there. But anyway! I was done. But i've wanted this particular doll for the whole year since the sculpt (LE20) came out. And I am going to do everything in my power to get this doll. Probably wont be successful but at least i will have tried.

~I want and need a haircut and have done for about 3 months. I've been trimming my own bangs but i need a professional to make the rest of it look like it's on-purpose long. this is a reminder to make the appointment tomorrow.

~oh, that thing I said about not flipping out over having no idea what to write for NaNo? NaNo which starts *tomorrow*? Not true. I'm flipping out at least a little bit. So i am going to go take a melatonin tab and go to sleep as soon as possible before i have time to work myself up into a bigger flp-out.

Hello all ^__^
I recently made myself a cape to go with my lolita-wear seeing as how Autumn is coming on early and cold where I live. It's wool lined in flannel for extra warmth and so it doesn't constantly slide off my shoulders like every other cape I've had. Since there was a little sunlight today I got my mom to take pictures.

( More under here )

Yes, I suppose I should say something on here again. First of all, the infection specialist, the Doctor-in-Charge as it were told him yesterday that he is officially cured. not recovered but cured. So no more antibiotics, maybe fewer appointments. He certainly doesn't act like he's still recovering, still far more active than I am, at least after the first couple weeks. I wish he wouldn't be thoug, I wish he would rest more, and stay in one spot and for god's sake never get sick again and never get any older.

he was in the hospital for sixteen days. I only visited once (the room was very small, but private. there was only just room for my mother an i to both sit. the floor was green. it was night). My mother was there every day, for hours. But i just couldn't. I stayed at home alone and watched movies I'd loved as a child and kept very still and didnt't think. I didn't find out until about a week after my father came back home that he could have died of the infection. If he had... and i hadn't been there... I don't think about that. I hate myself for being glad i didn't spend more time there. I don't think about that either.


I turned 20 last week. I don't feel 20. I don't feel older than when I turned 18, or 16 (I tell myself this). And yet I do. I know i do. I'm finally beginning to feel restless. I feel older, like it's almost time for me to start moving on.

I need a job. I need a driver's license. And while I've been saying that for years, I really believe it this time. And really want to.

But I still want to be here, just here, exactly where I am now, because if I start doing more, changing, leaving, then time might start moving forward again and who knows what could happen.

It's moving forward now of course. Fall is here, crisp and glorious and even colder than last year. I read my tea leave four days ago and i think there's going to be early snow this year.
And strangely, I feel absolutely sure I'm going to accomplish something. before spring comes. I'm just not sure what.

well. This is day three of my dad being in the hospital. Once again they can't figure out what's wrong. they're doing ton of tests, but they can't find a cause. it could still just be a wierd flu.

my mom went over there this morning while I was barely awake so i am home alone with no means of transport and nothing much to do but quietly freak out.

(context=Aela and Kren)

**


You won’t be surprised to find me gone.
So well you know that part of me that,
Won’t sit still.
I’ll leave you in the morning
When the light is blue,
And soft,
And you’ll look so kind and ordinary
Sleeping in our bed.
You won't find me,
But will you look?

And I’ll keep walking
And walking
For standing still is like-
Hands letting slip
The fine kite string.
I can’t let go. I can’t let go-
But I’ll look over my shoulder
For you.
Who would keep these memories?
There’s no one else who knows them.

And I’ll leave my heart
In you hands.
You won't know what to do with it
But-
Oh, you loved me.
All the stars did see us.
And just beyond the farther sun
I’ll stop and breathe a while.

Let down the light as though it were a curtain.
I’ll leave the dawn behind me,
I was not built for
Daylight.
But what of feet on land, of time and earth and ages?
There are no heavens left to conquer.
I have metal wings.
Won’t you wake and watch me-
Leave?
I am small, so very small,
In the arms of waiting space.
Won’t you wake and watch me-
Leave? I am leaving.
I have metal wings.

these I did with the help of my mom (she's the one behind them camera) they aren't *exactly* what I wanted, (I felt and looked exhausted) but they're still entertaining ^___^

Some pics of me in my edwardian dress,
( by the oval window )

And some pics of me in the edwardian dress in the doll set, just to mess with your sense of scale,
( Tall Alice, small room )

I think I'm finally feeling better. still tired and sniffeling but the fevers gone. I actually made myself a real breakfast instead of just having a snack bar or something.

Unfortunately it's grey again, so I guess I *will* still have to wait a bit to get in the next part of the story. that and the fact that I wrote myself into a 1/3-scale-picnic-hamper and-itty-bitty-food-requiring corner. which is better? little tiny real food? or pretend food made out of polymer clay or something? One has the potential to disintigrate, the other has the potential so look fakey and obvious. Opinions?



(I had the most terrible dream last night. I don't even want to think about it. people were being eaten.)

I thought I was getting better but i actually feel worse today, all fevery and squashed. I don't like it.

I had the weirdest dream last night - a long, labyrinthine crossover between Inspector Lynley and the X-Files. I liked it actually, but it made no sense. (which makes it even more like xf - those mytharc eps)

I proped myself in front of the computer all afternoon and did picture processing. I was going very slowly though so there's still three shoots to work on. I've got pictures just sort of piling up. I had been planing that I would do the next part of the photostory yesterday or today, shoes or no shoes, but I haven't been up to all that work. You ever tried to photograph (realistically) something 2 ft tall or under? lots of strange scrunching and balancing.


( pictures of the faerie-lings in the sunshine )


I am now weighing my tiredness against the fact that if i go to bed at 8 i'll probably wake up at 4 in the morning.

EDIT: fixed all the code. I'd used forum code. I was pretty out of it. I went to sleep at nine ish, woke up at seven am. not *so* bad, but still, *sighs* plus I'm still useless and ill :(

so of course there had to be pictures. He's in his new school uniform from Volks and Jane (my mom's Yugiri head on a borrowed body) is wearing and AG samantha dress w/added sash. It looks surprisingly good on her. I am already scheming up a pattern that is similar and will fit SD a little more precisely.

The yugiri mold is so precious, not one bad angle, just a joy to photograph.

I've been getting better at photographic composition, so more of them are worth posting this time around. This is just the first few, I'll put up more as they get edited.


( click for pics )